yelp.

His & Hers

We had our first real kiss this weekend. Afterward, he asked if he could post a Yelp review about it. I laughed until my cheeks hurt, but made sure to ask how many stars he'd give me. He held up five fingers.  I held up four for him, and we laughed some more and kissed again. 

We have a lot of differences, particularly in how we were raised and how we view the world, our life experiences, and our age, but one thing we definitely have in common is our sense of humor. He thanked me the night before for accepting his silliness. And he laughs at my sarcasm. I am happy that he gets that part of me.

There are other parts though, that are worrisome. I may write about them later. I feel that maybe I should not think about those parts this soon. But then, maybe I should. Infatuation can make a sista overlook red flags, and I am too old to be naïve. Love rarely conquers all when you aren’t a character in a Disney movie, so I want to be realistic and make smart decisions with any man that enters my life who expresses interest in staying there.

 I can be honest here and admit that I am being pessimistic, waiting for the other shoe to drop: for the unanswered phone call or a secret revealed or the realization that his truth isn’t something I can handle. It is easier to be hesitant, to expect the expected; I am used to all of my relationships leading me down the road to failure.

Much of my hesitation also has to do with the fact that I might question his sincerity because of my own past. Like dude, do you really like me this much? Why? And if you do like me this much, something must be wrong with you.

Ahhh, the amount of craziness swirling around in my head directly links back to what I think I deserve from a man. I say I deserve someone who gives me everything that I crave, but now that I think I might have it, do I really think it's for me?

He has told me on more than one occasion to stop waiting for the bad news. “I am a horrible liar, so you don't have to worry about that at all,” he says. “I’ll answer any question you have. I promise. My goal is to be honest with you.”

I value his honesty. I do. But this issue has more to do with me than with him. I need to work toward being brave, and embrace the risk of it all. But how does one work toward being brave without putting blinders on?

“It’s only been a week. Why are we even talking about this stuff?” I asked him last night, recognizing how ridiculous this line of thinking may be this soon in the game.

“Because when you see someone every day for seven days, it’s equal to four weeks, and shit gets deep.”

“In what handbook does it say seven days is equal to…”

“In mine. So stop worrying yourself, and gimme them lips.”