micro penis.

Shorty Doo Wop and I are in a really cool space now. There are many things about him and our time together that I enjoy, so it makes more sense for me to ignore the fact that we are the same height, and give him a chance. I have finally admitted to myself, my girls, and (kinda sorta) to him that I like him.

Two weeks ago though, we ran into an issue. We had a very lame argument through text that resulted in both of us saying things we really didn't mean. We made up a few days later and set boundaries for each other (namely, never discuss issues through text). Things were cool, until a few days after that, when we had a tense discussion over the phone about sex and affection. It started off mainly as a joke and went left quickly out of nowhere. Afterwards, I felt that maybe we should cool off a bit because it was silly. Plus, who wants to argue with someone they've only been dating for three months? I sure don't.

The next day, he called and apologized. He was definitely in the wrong, so I don't want to give him props for doing something he should have done in the first place. But I do want to applaud him for how he apologized. He was specific about his mistake, apologized for his reaction and explained where his anger originated. He also explained why we even had to have the "sex and affection" discussion, and he gave me three solutions to make sure it never happens again. I was blown away. A solution oriented man? This is new to me.

His apology made me very happy, and it made me fall in like a little bit more. He is logical and a communicator, and the sapiosexual in me is now roaring like a tiger on the loose because he wields his brain around like a large penis. But this realization made the wheels in my head start turning: maybe he wields his brain around like a large penis because that's the closest he's going to get to having one.


When I posted the previous blog about him on my personal Facebook page, a lovely friend of mine coined the phrase, "Touch His Penis", to encourage me to give him a chance because big things come in small packages. Others in the comments ran with it, and "THP" has since become an inside joke (and a motto to live by). I also shared the height issue with a colleague and she responded with, "My sister always says when you're unsure about someone, have sex with them three times before you make a decision. It's terrible advice, but you still might want to give it a shot."

Terrible advice aside, sex with him has been on my mind because I'm curious and also because his intelligence is an aphrodisiac. But there are four things about him that make me think he may have a tiny peen. I am now worried about being super disappointed, and wondering how I'd deal with the embarrassment that comes with such a discovery.

He Talks about Cunnilingus... A Lot
This is not a complaint at all. Who doesn't like being on the receiving end of cunnilingus? (Don't answer that because I really don't want to know if you exist). During one evening, we had a conversation about the things we enjoy, and oral sex was all he talked about. He is a giver and pleaser. I added two gold stars to his portfolio, because as I stated in my birthday post, it's been a long time since a sista has been thoroughly pleased. He was sick a few weeks ago, and when I asked if he needed anything to feel better, he said he "read an article" about vagina curing stomach aches. This guy is all about snacking on some cooch! And, when I tell you that isn't a problem for me, I mean it. Until I think about how he has never, ever mentioned intercourse. I rarely trust men who brag about their prowess in the bedroom, but if you never bring intercourse into a conversation about sex, it makes me think you might either be bad at it, or you don't have the right equipment to do it. Which is why you're more eager to put your mouth down there than anything else.


He Was A-OK With Me Being A Virgin
On the night we initially met, a group of friends and I carried over a discussion from a different event earlier in the day about men needing to bring their best A game during their first sexual encounter, while women don't necessarily have that kind of pressure. It was an intense discussion. One of my close girlfriends made a slick comment directed towards me, and I responded with, "I am a virgin, and everybody knows that." We fight like Dorothy and Blanche, so everyone laughed it off. But Shorty Doo Wop thought I was serious, and up until a month ago, he was under the impression that I really was a virgin. When he asked me, I laughed heartily for nearly five minutes. "You'd date a 34-year old virgin?" I asked once my laughter settled down. "Yeah," he said. "It's no big deal." "You'd also have sex with a 34-year old virgin?", I asked, still not believing it. "Yeah. I don't have a problem with that."

I was shocked by this. Everyone is different and has their own, unique preferences, but dating a virgin comes with a lot of pressure and implications that may not interest people our age. I have no desire to take a man's virginity, nor do I want to be his Day One teacher or tutor in the bedroom. But, he seems to be very OK with taking on that role for a woman. This means he either doesn't care about a woman's sexual history, or wants to guarantee his bae hasn't had what he considers too many partners. Or, he could be very aware that unleashing a micro penis on a newbie is safer than on a woman with experience.


Silence Speaks Louder Than Words
One day while sitting around enjoying the sunset with Musiq and Chrisette Michelle in the background (a scene straight out of the Shea Butter Guide to Courtship) we had a discussion about church. We talked about our issues with religious theology, and I mentioned not believing in waiting until marriage for sex. He questioned my stance. I told him I found it problematic because marriage doesn't mean guaranteed sexual compatibility. "But you can teach someone what you like. If he is open to learning..." he said. "No doubt, you can teach someone what you like. But everyone doesn't have the necessary tools to learn," I said.

"Oh," was his response. And he stopped talking for a while. He was probably contemplating his micro penis.


"Friends First" Is His Motto
I should be happy about this, and I am. He wants to take things slow, and I think it's a great idea, especially since my last situation crashed and burned under 90 days. But his focus on friendship can sometimes be stifling. At one point, I asked him if we could just be friends because we're really cool, but the dating thing is moving slower than I could ever imagine. He objected and said he was willing to speed things up a little. "I just really want us to have a strong friendship as a foundation. Because once the physical enters the picture, things always spiral out of control." He kind of has a point. Sex changes things. But spirals out of control? Always? That's a bit dramatic. Is he trying to make sure we're so close on an emotional level that when he whips out his micro penis, I'll be too attached to him as a bestie to let him go? I stand and declare to you on this day and forever more, that no matter how close we are, I will never be able to work with or around a micro penis. No amount of friendship could make me turn a blind eye to that.

I am pretty sure I am overthinking this and overthinking him. I'm probably being nit picky about silly things because that's what single Black women with zero options have been trained to do after consistent disappointment: look for the signs early on so we don't get caught up in another wack situation. For all I know, he might be packing the Penis Of My Dreams and willing to give me four things that I should be grateful for: a relationship built on friendship, with a man who doesn't care about my sexual history, who wants to learn how to please me, and is eager to do so.

Or, he really has a micro penis, and that explains everything. I'll let you know when I find out.