sexless.

I saw the above sneak peek for the new web series, SEXLESS, from Black&SexyTV (I love their shows!) and figured it might be a good idea to do recaps to facilitate discussions here when it begins to air in February. Why, you may ask?

Here’s why:

I was somewhat bothered by how I met The Man. We were at a party, and I noticed him because every time I looked in his direction, his eyes were on me. The first time I thought it was a coincidence, but the second, third, fourth, and fifth time, I started to think that maybe he was interested in me. After the sixth and seventh time, I started to wonder if there was something wrong, like I had cupcake icing smeared across my cheek, or possibly an insanely large, glow in the dark booger hanging from my nose. There was no other reason I could think of for a grown man to blatantly stare for hours without approaching, or saying “Hi”, or at least giving me a head nod. After a while, I reasoned that maybe he wasn't looking at me, but was instead looking at someone behind me or to the side of me.

We eventually made contact after the party only because somebody told somebody who told somebody else that I was wondering why this guy was staring at me (and I thought he was kinda cute).

I prefer aggressive men, so I was disappointed that other people had to get involved for us to finally exchange numbers. During our first phone conversation, the first thing I asked him: “If you were staring at me in the party, why didn't you come talk to me?!?!?”

He laughed for a while, and then blamed it on being shy, but after a little bit more discussion he said he had a confession to make:

“I’m celibate. I've been so for a little while now. I had a goal that I wanted to reach, and that was to stay celibate through the end of the year. The best way for me to do that was to not make any new friends.”

Ahhhh, that explains it. He thought his loins would jump out his pants if he approached me. Got it.

“Well, now that the year is up, are you still celibate? Are you waiting for marriage?”

“Yes, I am still celibate. No, I am not waiting for marriage. But I am waiting for the real thing. A real, solid thing.”

I've never in my life met a man who was intentionally celibate, so I’m not sure how to react to this bit of news.

Do I have a problem with The Man being celibate, though? No. In fact, I think this is the best thing that could have ever happened to both of us. I was celibate myself for around three years up until the Silly Seduction of 2014 (which spanned from February to July; we’ll talk about that in a different blog). I have since been celibate for the last six months.

Neither of us are waiting for marriage. That is the furthest from our minds. But we do want to wait until we have a solid relationship intact. We both acknowledge that sex makes things complicated. It sometimes makes it harder to walk away from people who are toxic and draining. And we’re both no longer interested in sharing such an intimate act with someone we barely care about.

So what does this mean for us?

This means life will be very hard for a while. Very, very hard. We spend a lot of time together. He is affectionate, and I am constantly biting my tongue not to invite him in for a drink or to keep the conversation going well past our date and into my apartment. Our minds wanting to wait does not mean our bodies are willing and up for the challenge.

He has said that he is open to waiting for as long as I want. Though I am pleased that I will not be pressured or enticed into anything, I have to admit that knowing that he is waiting for me is some sort of strange aphrodisiac. Nice guy behavior is an instant turn on, so of course, his eagerness to wait for me wants me to give it to him NOW. 

Also, the built up anticipation that comes with waiting has both of us a little more anxious than we ever thought we'd be.

I haven’t put a time limit on anything, but I do know that I am not at all interested in being intimate with someone who isn't committed to me. I want to make sure this is something that will last past infatuation. In the meantime, to prevent any slip ups, our dates will be in public. Whether that means movies, bars, coffee shops or my front stoop, our alone time will never truly be alone time.

This is a first for both of us. It's never been a habit of mine to quickly jump in the bed with anyone, but waiting was also never as serious a goal as it is now. Funny how we met each other under circumstances that work best for our own personal goals. I’m thankful for that, and excited to see how things turn out

On a side note: please don’t judge me if I wrote all of this and my next blog is about how he rocked my socks off. I am human, bound to make mistakes, I like him a lot, and it’s been a looooooooooooooong time. LOL