micro penis.

Shorty Doo Wop and I are in a really cool space now. There are many things about him and our time together that I enjoy, so it makes more sense for me to ignore the fact that we are the same height, and give him a chance. I have finally admitted to myself, my girls, and (kinda sorta) to him that I like him.

Two weeks ago though, we ran into an issue. We had a very lame argument through text that resulted in both of us saying things we really didn't mean. We made up a few days later and set boundaries for each other (namely, never discuss issues through text). Things were cool, until a few days after that, when we had a tense discussion over the phone about sex and affection. It started off mainly as a joke and went left quickly out of nowhere. Afterwards, I felt that maybe we should cool off a bit because it was silly. Plus, who wants to argue with someone they've only been dating for three months? I sure don't.

The next day, he called and apologized. He was definitely in the wrong, so I don't want to give him props for doing something he should have done in the first place. But I do want to applaud him for how he apologized. He was specific about his mistake, apologized for his reaction and explained where his anger originated. He also explained why we even had to have the "sex and affection" discussion, and he gave me three solutions to make sure it never happens again. I was blown away. A solution oriented man? This is new to me.

His apology made me very happy, and it made me fall in like a little bit more. He is logical and a communicator, and the sapiosexual in me is now roaring like a tiger on the loose because he wields his brain around like a large penis. But this realization made the wheels in my head start turning: maybe he wields his brain around like a large penis because that's the closest he's going to get to having one.

i wish he was a lil' bit taller.

The internet has been in an uproar since Wednesday when Kermit revealed his new bae, Denise. Hilarious memes littered Twitter as people dragged Kermit for moving on so quickly from his 40 year long relationship with the baddest bitch in Muppet Land, Miss Piggy. I laughed until my cheeks were sore, but something else kept popping up in my head as the pictures whizzed by in my feed: this is literally me and and my new bae.*deep sigh*

Seriously, this is as close to a picture of us that you will get. And I'm not sure how to feel about that. Let me tell you why:

Preferences are tricky things when you're a single Black woman with zero options, and have been for more years than you'd like to count. People begin to insinuate that you should step outside of the box of things you like, and give things you've never thought about, things that annoy you, and things that gross you out a try. My answer is usually NO.

When you're 34 and have been dating since little Tyrell shared his chocolate pudding with you in preschool, you kinda have a really good idea about the things that will and will NOT work for you, whether you have tried them or not. I know for sure that I don't want to date a man who can't read or write, doesn't open the car door, doesn't tip, is an athiest, is shy, has a violent temper, and isn't my kind of cultured.

I also don't want him to be short. Or skinny.

But then, a few months back, I met this guy at a meetup with a whole bunch of traveling Black folks. I wasn't a part of the group, and neither was he, but we'd been invited by friends who were, so while they socialized and gushed over planning a trip to Cuba, he and I launched into an all night conversation about Rachel Dolezal and Bill Cosby, gentrification, Brooklyn versus Harlem, and where we were thinking about watching the next playoff game. He was cool, and midway through the night, suggested we keep in touch. Neither of us whipped out our phones to exchange numbers, but the next day, I woke up thinking, "Damn, that was a good ass conversation." That's never happened before.

birthday peen.

Bear with me here as this is my first foray into writing about sex.

When I hit thirty-two, the urge to have sex nearly everyday was so overwhelming that I contemplated calling up the guy who cant spell, the one who doesn't hold the door open, the guy sure to smother me if I ever gave him even a whiff of my drawls, and even the guy with seven kids and no car. I'd contemplate it heavy. Lean on it. Think and think and think some more. I'd never call, but the thought would linger because the urge was so great that lowering my standards just for a few hours didn't seem so bad.

This feeling was new to me. I'd never been very much into the act of sex itself. I loved kissing and intimacy, but rarely cared about reaching the Big O. The sudden urge to need it all of the time threw me for a loop. To top it off, it'd been so long since I'd had some soul stirring, "Girl guess what just happened?" kinda loving that I was almost open to anyone.

My last serious relationship was four years ago and featured the most lifeless, boring, inconsistent sex I'd ever experienced. He was a wonderful guy though, and I reasoned that I'd enjoyed enough great sex in my previous relationships. Instead of harping on our terrible sexual chemistry, I focused on his other strengths.

not dead.

No, I am not dead.

Not sure if I can say the same about my love life, though.

The Man and I did not work out. Very slowly, bit by bit, I started to notice he had issues. A ton of issues. Serious issues. Issues that no man at his age should have. Issues that no man should bring to the dating scene. Some were health related, some were the result of an unfortunate upbringing, but many of them were connected to him being horrible at being an adult.

valentine’s day.

“This is the first time in a long time that I’ve looked forward to Valentine’s Day. I’m usually like, ‘F*ck it’.” This is what the man said to me a few days ago, right before he kissed me on my forehead after a quick meet up.

“Oh, really? Are you planning something?”

“Yep, I have a few things up my sleeve.”

I’m shocked. Not only because he’s planning a day of surprises, something that seems out of the norm for him, but also because I haven’t really thought about Valentine’s Day. It’s crossed my mind, and we talked about wine tasting very briefly, but I’d forgotten about it.

soulmates & earthquakes

Just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt. Take things slow.”

Advice from my mother after telling her about The Man. Advice I didn't ask for, but will still respect because, well… she’s my mother.

We'd just finished having dinner with my cousins. Throughout the night I mentioned a few restaurants I’d been to during the past two weeks, which prompted her to ask on the drive home, “Who have you been going out with?”

sexless.

I saw the above sneak peek for the new web series, SEXLESS, from Black&SexyTV (I love their shows!) and figured it might be a good idea to do recaps to facilitate discussions here when it begins to air in February. Why, you may ask?

Here’s why: